I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
