my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
