I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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