the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
