You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize