I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
