I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
