Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize