The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
