hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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