alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me i tasted like america
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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