remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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