Ambien. No doubt about it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
