I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
