i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
