The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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