do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
