idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
