there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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