im having a threesome with these popsicles
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
