Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
