She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
