So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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