why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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