He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
