one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
