Nicole vs. Life
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
