I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
