I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
