She announced her abortion via fbk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
