The maid of honor just puked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
