he wants to bone in the snuggie
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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