ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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