A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
