If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
