I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
