they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
