I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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