Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's blow job season.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
