I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
