Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
