I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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