she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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