i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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