a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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