I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
