On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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