I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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