And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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