Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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