"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do vagina's smell?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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