Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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