Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
