it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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