I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
