ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
