i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
