Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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