I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
