My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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