I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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