If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
