Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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