u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
