that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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