Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
