you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
