Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
