I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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